fail.

Okay my 365 post was a epic fail.. Unfortunately I just kept forgetting about posting, then I got to far behind I didn't really see the point to jump back on the wagon.

Hmm.. Lots of analogies I feel that I could compare this to but I won't.

Tonight I wish I could blog a little and clear my mind but I am buried deep in homework. Currently working on Journal Critiques for literacy and Speech Path 1. Lots and lots of reading especially a 100 page research journal on language assessment ;)

Promise to blog soon, hopefully ;)

"not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit- says the Lord Almighty!" Zech4:6

"He has made everything beautiful in it's time." Ecclesiastes 3:11

Day #4

We had the giggles today...

We played weird games all day... and just laughed.  I hate when the weekend is over because I actually dislike taking them to school on monday when I have breaks. I wish they could stay home everyday and entertain me ;)  I really feel blessed that I get to do life with these 3

Day #3

Today I went to lunch with one of my best friends, Justine.  We've been friends sense middle school & I love when we get to catch up sense college has been keeping us quite busy.  She has such a sweet heart and I can't wait to see what the future has in store for her.

  We went to my favorite place, Moe's for lunch and then bonded over a 45 minute wait at Delta Sonic.  We patiently waited for...., wait for it... a NINETEEN dollar car wash :) 

Day #2

Today has been quite eventful, I took my little siblings to school, went to visit Jess & Mila, went to Gabriella & Gianna's skating practice with my Dad, and then went to the mall for frozen yogurt (which I may or may not be slightly addicted to ;)  Throughout running around I would come to the computer and watch this over and over, I spent the day obsessing about this video!  I think it's the cutest thing ever and just love every second of it!  I showed forced my family to watch as well.  I'm overjoyed when I think that one day I will be able to do that!  (Hopefully one day very soon, considering I'm taking ASL next semester) Enjoy!

365

I've always really enjoy making new years resolutions. This year I've set many goals- become more organized, do phenomenal in school, volunteer with special needs, eat healthier, become healthier all together, grow spiritually, lean on God like never before, blog more, read more, esp. the Bible, and TRUST in God's timing. I think that it's great to set goals, and even greater to achieve them. In hopes to blog more this year I'm planning on doing a picture a day. We'll see how this goes, I have high hopes. Not than this blog is too popular, I don't expect people to even read this. It's more for me and a great way to look back and view personal/spiritual growth :)

Worship

I was so convicted today, and just had to share.

Who/what you worship determines your level of joy.

WOW- just typing that makes me really think of the many things I worship. Maybe even sometimes more than God. Ex. Friends, family, circumstances, school, material objects, sport teams, relationships.

I tend to fall into the all to often trap of thinking that they can make me happy or they can even bring me "joy" When I know deep down that God is the only one who can actually fill me with complete joy.

This is really humbling because it makes me think that even when I'm not 100% committed God is never not 100% committed to me.

It is something that I can't fix over night but definitely through His provision I feel like one day I will be able to see Him face to face through my 100% committed worship, of Him and Him alone.

How I really feel....

helloooo

Well I stumbled across this little blog of mine today after a couple months of craziness, I've decided to rip the band aide and start again. I can't even begin to explain where I have been these past 5 months. I'm learned a lot, taken a few steps back, taken a few forward, and mostly just seen what it is to really NEED God.

I've been heartbroken.

Many times.

Over.

And.

Over.

I feel that would be my story of the past five months. I feel like my heart has been pulled out of my chest; crushed and trampled.

Lesson 1- I've realized the concept of "normality" - there is none. There is no such thing as normal, God remains the same while everything around us is ever changing. It is NOT okay to place ourself in the hands of worldly things that change.

I've tried to find happiness in this world. I've tried to find myself in others. I've feared others opinion rather than feared what God has commanded. I've made decisions based on what others would want. I've seen temptation, looked it dead in the eye and made the conscious decision to pursuit "it" rather then "Him".

I could go on and on how I've failed God. I fail him every single day.

"I can't brag about my love for God because my love for Him fails daily. I can brag about His love for me though, it NEVER fails."

Thankfully all my posts end up boiling down to the fact that God loves me. He loves me. He loves me. He loves me. Regardless of what I do, have done, will do. My journey these past couple months seem like they have been long and really weigh on my heart. More posts to come on how God is moving in my life and what He is revealing to me in this season.

Dream BIG

Dream Big.

I don't want to settle for anything less then everything. Some may say that sounds ridiculous, pretentious, etc. I completely disagree, that is not what I am trying to say when I express that I won't settle for anything less then my big dream.

I say that I will not settle because I KNOW that God has a GREAT plan for me. I don't want to preoccupy myself with what He doesn't have intended for me and miss out on His plan. Not just a great plan but a plan that He made for me before I was even born. A plan that only I can fulfill. A plan unique to my unique gifts that He has given me. His plan is better then I can even begin to think of. He knows my ways, my thoughts and what I need more then I. With that said I know that my life is in His hands. His dreams and aspirations for my life are better then mine. I don't and won't live the American dream. I don't want to live the mundane average life. Average is NOT what I'm looking for! I don't want to get married, have kids, struggle, get divorced, if I'm lucky buy a boat, collect retirement, then die.

I want a life that screams JESUS. I want a life that makes the devil soooo mad! I want with everything in me to be so unaverage. I want Jesus written all over my life story.

I want to dream big.

I want Jesus' dream for my life, I want His will, His plan.

So to you, yes you reading this. Don't ever think for one second that Jesus has given up on you. That you couldn't possibly have a BIG future. Think of the best future you could imagine for yourself, He has that beat! And if you think you've screw up on your future... Jesus is looking at you right now hoping YOU will give Him your life. Give him your problems, your issues, and He will transform them into the future you deserve.

Never. Ever! stop Dreaming BIG

Be Blessed,

-Ashley x0x0

wordless wednesdayyy.

what happens?

...when everything around you crumbles to the ground? when everything you know, everything that is common, everything that is constant.. is gone. what happens when you look around and you realize your life is slowly fading from everything you are use to something new and foreign. what happens when you are so low you feel like God must be miles alway? when you cry out to Him yet you still feel so empty?

what happens when we undergo such difficult times that you think tomorrow's light may not even shine on this unsurpassing problem. what will happen? how will life continue? how do i find myself in this situation?

i know exactly were that is. as i type this i feel that so deeply. though i am not yet ready to share, i feel God moving miraculously in me to blog about this...

God has so clearly revealed this verse to me,

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." -Psalm 34:11

I know as I sit here and read that over and over and go over it in my head it is so easy to being to think.... Well I wish God could be near to me minus this brokenhearted-ness. I know... it is so heavy on my heart right now. I know that this current situation seems so large and monumental that tomorrow, the next day, next month, next year seem as though they will never get better... I am reassured by His word. His word is the truth so when I read, "For I consider that the suffering of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." -Romans 8:18 I know that by believing in that verse God will bring that to pass in my life. That this current suffering is nothing compared to what God will reveal to me. Whether he reveals His glory to me on this earth or in heaven I know and blindly believe that God will lavish me in His endless love. That I will reap what I sow. That this just temporary. This is surpassing. This too shall pass.

When you look at everything in your life and just the miraculous fact of life itself, it is clear to see that God is good. God has stayed the same sense the beginning of age. So even in this situation God is still God, and God is still good!

Though I don't feel like my current situation could bring God glory I know that through this He will work it for His glory. I find peace in knowing that this is part of His plan. That I am just a dot in his masterpiece that He is painting. That maybe through little things that I stumble through and learn from He will use me- To teach, to preach, to share, and explain. I know that God is not a God of chaos and He doesn't change though my circumstances do. I rest and find peace in knowing.. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 9-10

I learn more about who God is when He allows difficulties to change me and mold me into what He wants for my life. I have once heard that a diamonds have to undergo extreme pressure, cuts, and hardship to shine. The beautiful diamond doesn't just look that way, it undergoes extreme press to shine brilliantly. I know that God allows us to undergo surpassing issues so that we can shine brilliantly for His purpose and His will.

Unanswered Prayers

God's plan is bigger then my plan.

God's grace is bigger then my mistakes.

God's love is bigger then my comprehension.

These past few months I have been understanding deeper that my picture is part of a bigger picture. My life is not my own. My thoughts are not my thoughts. His ways are bigger and better than even my best. So for that reason alone, I am thankful and blessed for unanswered prayers. I'm so thankful that I don't plan my future on what I think is best. My favorite prayer is thanking God for allowing His plan to supersede my foolish thoughts of what I need. He knows my heart. He knows my whole heart better then I even I do..

So often with unanswered prayers I learn more of God's love for me then when I receive what I think I want. I don't know what is best for me. That is what I learn daily. That I must die to my desires, DAILY, to understand God's unwavering love.

Though it is hard to admit my prayers are so often for my selfish desires. I so often find myself praying for things that would bring me what I want, rather then what God wants. I know that God only wants the best for me, so why do I tend to think that if I pray with self-seeking motives I will get what I desire?

This is a learning process for me and I'm thankful that Jesus doesn't look at me any differently. He loves me the same. He gave Himself for me, I'm gearing my praying to what HE wants from my life. Not what I want.

Psalm 23:4

John 14:27

oh, how He loves us. We are a His portion, and He is our prize. Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes, IF HIS GRACE IS AN OCEAN, WE'RE ALL SINKING, & I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about, how He loves.

reFlectIon

I guess I am coming to an age where I can look back at my past and see how it has impacted my future. How my yesterdays have impacted my tomorrows. How my tomorrows will soon become my future. I can look back and see all the little pieces you have made work together for my good. And appreciate them, even the ones that I did not appreciate at the time. I can see all the little pieces that have formed me. I can see how they fell into place, how by God's grace even the ugly pieces have been made beautiful. I can see how He has the bigger picture. I have the smaller pieces and I want to limit my picture. I want a little picture, but my God has a big, beautiful, amazing, breathtaking picture. I love having His will, and picture revealed to me. Today I sit in amazement at how my picture has fallen. How my pieces have fallen so strategically and not by chance or ironically, but by My God's perfect hand.

Thank you Lord for having the bigger picture and not listening to my begging calls to fix the little pieces.

Thank you for not listening to me. I don't know what to wear in the morning let alone what is best for myself. Though I claim to know what I need, I don't. Thank you for knowing my every single little need and fulfilling.

Lord, you are so sovereign and merciful. Thank you.

Your love never fails, and I need You.

Had to Share

Are you a trader?

Are you normal? Or are you weird?

who do YOU say Jesus is?

I've heard that your specific answer to that question is the single most important thing about you.

When I first heard this I tried to think of a theological, wordy, mind blowing answer.. I came up with a few off the top of my head but didn't feel like it accurately explained who Jesus is.. these are a few, "my best friend that has saved me from myself" or "the giver of life" or "the son of God who came to save us from our sins." I know, nothing too special with those answer. I mean if it is the single most important thing about me I was hoping I could up with something better. When I thought about it, my mind started to drift to when Jesus asked His disciples, "Who do people say that I am."

They responded with..“Well some people say you're John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.”

Then Jesus looks at them and says, "who do YOU say that I am." I think this was a heart question. I think Jesus asked them this because these were His buddies, I think He wanted to know what they were calling Him behind His back. I think He wanted to know who they thought He was deep in their heart.

Then Peter was the only one to answer Jesus, and he said, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”

Jesus LOVED this answer. Like I can almost imagine it now.. Jesus just being so pleased that His buddy knew Him for Him. He said to Peter, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven. And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.” - Matthew 16:17-19

After reading that passage I started to realize what my answer to, "who do you say Jesus is?"

Jesus tells us who He is, He IS the GOD of our situation. He is what we need. Always.

Everyday we face different struggles, temptations, let downs, but Jesus guides us through each particular and different situation it may be. He is the God of..

ELOHIM

God of Power & Might

JEHOVAH-MACCADDESHEM

"The Lord thy sanctifier"

JEHOVAH-ROHI

"The Lord my shepherd"

JEHOVAH-SHAMMAH

"The Lord who is present"

JEHOVAH-RAPHA

"The Lord our healer"

JEHOVAH-TSIDKENU

"The Lord our righteousness"

JEHOVAH-JIREH

"The Lord will provide"

JEHOVAH-NISSI

"The Lord our banner"

JEHOVAH-SHALOM

"The Lord is peace"

JEHOVAH-SABBAOTH

"The Lord of Hosts"

JEHOVAH-GMOLAH

"The God of Recompense"

EL-ELYON

"The most high God

EL-ROI

"The strong one who sees"

EL-SHADDAI

"The God of the mountains or God Almighty"

EL-OLAM

"The everlasting God"

All of these names can not even accurately describe Jesus' unsurpassable greatness. He IS THAT HE IS. Meaning, that He is the God of your situation. He is the God of your specific needs. He can tailor Himself to suit your every single need.

This ultimately leads to the fact. HE IS ALL YOU NEED.

Watch your thoughts; they become your words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch you actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become your character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny. -Frank Outlaw

You become what you love. Period.

I know I personally want to do whatever is noble, right, pure, and lovely.

Wordless Wednesday.